March 26th, 2009
My sober mind is hard to please
My indecisive nature is never at ease
Always in thought of what could have been…
It’s crazy how so many people nowadays are never satisfied with what they have. We always want something else and by the time we get it our brain has already shifted on to something new. Maybe it’s a safety net… to protect ourselves from disappointment. If that thing you so desperately desired isn’t what it was cracked out to be who cares…
at least you got it.
Change is “good” but what if you’re addicted to change? Part of me strives on perfection and routine yet another part of me despises it and longs for adventure.
Final Note — Change is definitely good
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March 11th, 2009
I feel so happy today. Doing good things for yourself and others is a great way to boost your self esteem. I ordered some flowers for my grandma just because and every time I think about her receiving them my heart lights up 
I also got my nails and hair done hehe. I feel super accomplished like everything is falling right into place. I’m going out of town tomorrow yay! I love my family and friends and can’t wait to spend some quality time with them.
Oh my word… my dreams for some reason aren’t as happy 
In my dream last night I was trying to take a shower while being harassed by my grandma. I was so angry and irritated. Sometimes I think my dreams are an outlet for negative feelings. I’ve been pretty happy lately so I guess the negative has to come out somehow. I just wish my dreams could be pleasant.
Final Note — Happy milk comes from happy cows
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March 6th, 2009
I’ve slightly missed my train
Tempted to refrain
I try to remain myself
On my way to a new destination
Without hesitation
This time focusing on my health
A bad thought or deed here and there
But petty to compare
The love I urn to share
Scared of the ridicule
From friends and foe
Trying not to be gay
Searching for a way
To say how I feel
Is this for real?
Insecure for so long
Unsure I’m worth loving
My heart broken and heart breaking past
Flashes before my eyes
Removing the disguise
I thought I had to hide
Still in disbelief
A threatening relief
Final Note — Train rides are good for the environment and your brain!
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February 14th, 2009
Happy valentines day! It’s my first time having a “valentine” in 2 years! Even when I had a valentine I felt broken hearted… I guess my last valentine wasn’t the giving type. I’m not the typical girl but I still like flowers and chocolates Ironically part of me is happy that my new valentine didn’t go that route. It felt more real than ever. Genuine I guess you can say. Hopefully he’ll keep up the good work and luckily he doesn’t know my website address! Haha valentine in your face.
Having it fall on the evening of Friday the 13th was a nice twist. We watched a super scary movie… He made me a nice dinner. It was pretty impressive… Food is the key to my heart I think this one might be a keeper. Time will tell.
Oh my valentines day isn’t over yet! I’m going to an event tonight called “Fuck Valentines Day”. There’s going to be some crazy performances… Blood and gore and all! I’m super excited I need to keep my heart in check haha. I’m sure this will do the trick. Seeing a bunch of bitter love haters on valentines day is a dream come true 
Final Note — ALL girls like flowers and chocolates… ALL.
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January 31st, 2009
Dream: I was at my old best friends house in Morgan Hill where I grew up. I was outside on the front lawn and I looked up into the sky. I could see three circles. I think it was the sun. The middle one was bright red and glowing like a sunset. The other two were right next to it. All of a sudden they started moving. It was almost transparent and started moving around in big circles. Like huge loops in the sky.
I thought I was tripping out. At first I couldn’t stop staring and I kept saying wow. But then it looked like it was getting closer. It almost looked like a planet when it was closer. It flew right over my head. At this point I was like WTF is going on. I ran back in the house. It crashed outside the house almost in the middle of the culdesac.
In the house as I was walking in I could see from the back sliding door what looked like meteors still flying through the sky. I could see some random girl with long red hair sitting in a desk by the window next to the door. A meteor rolled up to the back of the house.
Final Note — Paint your dreams
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January 23rd, 2009
If u don’t care then why should I?
I torment myself inside
trying to fulfill you
but what about me?
Or the friends I leave.
Why can’t I hold the power?
how could you NOT
want to shower
with this?
A bitch no.
Try the most generous fool in the book.
The same sad ending
you took me for granted.
Final Note — A little too late goes a long way…
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January 22nd, 2009
I’d like to say something positive. Despite my silent bitter state. A strange sense of happiness. Hearing the powerhouse words of passengers of the same boat. Am I like them? Are they like me? I hear myself in their words. I feel their struggle their passion. A quest for answers.
When spoken in such a manor one begins to believe… this truly is a silly life we live. Our states of mind fluctuate depending on our current scenario. A constant pretender in this world based on lies. Lust, lack of trust, people of dust my heart has rusted through. I’m tired of trying to please others. I need to focus on myself.
Final Note — Spoken Word! don’t knock it till you try it
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January 9th, 2009
So you might not know me but i’m a tad bit impatient haha. It’s almost as if I have an invisible force constantly pushing me forward. I can’t sit still I feel like there’s always something I could be doing. I think I see similar qualities in my mom. Maybe it runs in the family…
Speaking of family I miss them. I really wish we could me closer. My mom is a sweetheart. I feel so safe and complete when we’re together. I hope one day I can share the same love with my own family. Well see… I’m not really that keen to children aka miniature monsters
Final Note — Do it
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January 8th, 2009
Uggghhhh I feel so frustrated. I have so many things I want to do and too little time. Then there’s all the things I don’t want to do but I can’t decline Sometimes I wish for isolation. A silly thought for you’re never truly alone. I wish for silent thoughts. Freedom.
I guess I have to accept the things I can’t change and work on the rest Once again, a better tomorrow starts with today! How long do broken hearts take to heal? And what if it keeps breaking repeatedly. Karma!!! I’m telling you that shit exists.
I’m slowly getting to where I want to be… I know I’ll make it to the top! And there’s no way but up from here.
Final Note — Keep on reaching!
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January 5th, 2009
Day four of my 21 day challenge!!! I give myself an A for effort. Still no coffee or soda! Vitamins check exercise here I come. Cindy Whitmarsh from Exercise TV is awesome! I’m going to get a six pack! I ate a salad today so it’s for real haha. Dance dance revolution is for cool people like me. Watch us work it! Work it on out
My next step should be the environment… Too bad the weathers so crappy lately. I should get some special light bulbs! I’m going to plant trees!!! Fun in the sun.
Final Note — Recycle, Reduce, Reuse
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